XEROPITTURA

Post-Elitism As A Form To Survive

I tend to believe most people around my mediums have never really understood how

being depressed all the time and bored about everything links to how someone has

lived enough (and more than their peers) and not the lack of energy. I used to take

this kind of discourse as a federal offense; knowing I was years ahead from all my

classmates, family members and online colleagues. I used to invest my time on

consuming an awful load of medias that didn't make me comfortable since I was 7

years old because of how my father talked to me about the internet.

When I first got into elementary school, I was surprised to discover that all the kids

around the same age I was didn't yet know how to write their names, or even read basic words.

All I could think of was, why are those kids setting me back this much? And the teacher

I had at the time seemed to not care about it, but neither did I, to be honest. I mean, if you're

in my shoes, you'll not think about how mentally retarded some people can be, but rather like,

how you're gonna be able to stand out by just being yourself. Right? No. Wrong. You'll get fucked.

My few first serious issues with school started as soon as my teacher discovered I had a Playstation

console and that I played Guitar Hero, Resident Evil Outbreak and many other "anti-social" titles

that my father has showed me as a form to keep me entertained. The teachers didn't really like how

I managed my own activities and how I played with my toys, they kept calling my parents every week

to discuss a "new issue" that I apparently was causing. So as a result, I kept myself so recluded,

so quiet and so secretive, that my tourettes started acting up whenever I had too much energy to play,

wich, you guessed it. Lead the teachers and supervisors to keep theirselves on my parents's ass for

a very long time until they put me in some bullshit spiritual/nu age therapy that didn't do much besides

keeping me quiet for like, 30 minutes.

As I grew up and switched schools, things didn't really get better, but I always got the chance to

be a different person than expected. Brazillian people are pretty dense and ignorant if you compare

them to how north americans or even people in Europe behave regarding culture and politics. For an

example, the kids I studied with as a teenager always bullied me for everything you could think of,

and the only reason for that kind of agression to start was because they knew I've got enough proof

that everything they loved, everything they idolized was fake and that I could destroy it with words.

So, for quite a long time, their strategy was to try to dismantle my mental health, morality and steal

ideas, narratives, and personal belongings from me, even though they never admited they wanted to take

a sip out of the fountain that was keeping me active enough to not be afraid of shit.

I wasn't always a rich person who's had money. My dad owns a company, my mom is known by some rich people

in Sao Paulo but I never once thought about taking advantage of the circumstances. Sometimes I believe

that these people around me saw my existence as an opportunity to rise, and once I started realizing how

my classmates were always at my house, creating fake profiles to cuss me out, copying my concepts after

telling me these very same ideologies they were stealing from me were trash, I started to be less and less

talkative. I understood that some groups of people shouldn't ever mix, because when it happens, disaster

starts to brew. And it doesn't want to see you alive. They want to take your soul if they can.

I mean, nobody hates people who cannot contribute to society and destroy the evil like satan does.