XEROPITTURA

Post-Elitism And Friendships

I've had a lot of friends throughout my years. Countless ones. But one of the only things I'm willing to say is

that almost no one remains by your side once you show who you really are, and it's even harder to get new people

to be around you once you're fully developed from whatever happened in your life.

In 2019, I lost one of my hard-or-dies because of an internet rumor that lasts to this day and at the moment it

happened, I had little to no reaction. But as time flew by, I was struck with the feeling that almost no one is

meant to be with you forever like it happened on Skins, Euphoria or 2 Broke Girls. Things don't work this way.

Then in 2021, I had my worst year because I lost another friend. I had close people screaming at me, telling me

how they wish all my friends died with me and how I was "crying over cow shit". It led me to have a year full

of addicted people, manic kids, spiritual warfares and whatnot. By july of the same year, the same girl who once

modeled for a couple magazines, looked like a junkie without even looking at drugs. Her bedroom was moldy, her

arms had scars and her mind only had death as a solution. Yet for some reason, close friends didn't drive apart

from her. Instead, they kept theirselves close enough to push her to a good side and didn't stop until they knew

She was alright. That until she actually felt confident enough and saw these same people talking on her back.

Then, after a few years of losing friends, something quite funny happened: Some of my old colleagues from the

places I used to visit found my phone number and started messaging me asking me how I was. Even though I was

still distraught from losing so many important people, I responded.

"I'm quite fine, good things are happening. I can't see them yet but they are."

Then for a year, me and those same friends hung out enough for me to realize that real friendships don't come

from how much someone is available or even how much things they give you. But it rather comes from places you're

not going to imagine. It'll develop itself in ways you'll never guess until you live it with your heart.

Then one day, out of curiosity, I went to look up some of these people's names on Twitter. One of these dudes

was in jail for drug paraphernalia charges, the other girl who hated me for nothing is addicted, one of the

guys who hated me for being pretty is still homeless and lives off of a trap house, and most of these other people

are just not in a good situation. To the point where I feel like I'd be dragged down if I remained in their circles.

While me? I was living my best life, receiving real love and admiration from my friends, not feeling insecure

about their intentions with me... It even took me a while to realize I wasn't scared of people's reactions like

I was after being let down by people I thought I loved. It was all nice in my garden.

Also; no red note on that article. But if you're friends with losers, you're most probably one of them too and

you're too alone to realize it's better to have no one than having someone who's always causing you problems.

Even though they're your friends, they're in no place of changing your environment or thoughts based on how they

feel about a subject. You should have friends that love you, value you and you shouldn't try to expect people

who don't give two shits about you to eventually change. It's in their blood to be jackasses and to see friends

as a token. I still have some leeches on my circles but it's nothing compared to how it was before. So be aware.

If you gotta be alone to heal, let it be. And don't take advices from people who are not in the place you want

to be, don't give these vultures any power.